It's a love thing
by plumpykaye
Summary: It's a four-letter word that starts with L. It's Love. Shayley/Buttahbenzo
1. Prologue

The real life Spencer, Aria, Emily and Hanna also known as Troian, Lucy, Shay and Ashley headed to New York for another photo shoot they'd do together. They always loved and looked forward for shoots like this. It was like playing around yet working. They all took a power nap after arriving to prepare themselves for a long day ahead.

It was past 11 when they all met up at the hotel's restaurant, sleeping together on the same room like they always do despite being given separate rooms, ButtahBenzo arrived together goofy as usual. An hour later they headed off to the studio where they're supposed to have their photo shoot. As soon as the group arrived along with their Hair and Make-up team, they prepared themselves.

"Good day ladies. She will be your photographer for today" the guy who appeared to be the assigned team lead of the shoot introduced the female photographer.

"Isn't she the one?" Ashley whispered to Troian recognizing the photographer to be the girl whom Ryan Silverstein, Shay's ex boyfriend, allegedly replaced Shay with. The two girls looked at Shay who was also stunned to see the other girl. She couldn't understand what she feels. It seems that Ryan had cheated on her with that girl and now she has to work with that girl. It was just like yesterday that she and Ryan went on a vacation to Hawaii along with Ashley and his Ryan. She weighed things on her mind when the girl reached out her hand. _Should I or shouldn't I?_ That question haunted Shay's mind but being the professional that she is, she shook the girl's hand. The girl didn't even have a look of guilt on her face. She seemed amused to work with Shay. _That bitch!_ Ashley said in her mind. She was gritting her teeth in anger. She was very protective of Shay.

The shoot went fine without delays. They were just wrapping up when a tall bearded man entered the studio. His eyes grew wide when he noticed familiar faces around. He quickly scanned the room for a certain person and there she was, the Goddess of Hotness. The photographer girl approached him giving him a quick peck. It was more of brag than a welcoming gesture. His gaze never left the goddess. He observed her laugh with her friends. He was temporarily lost in the world of realm when he looked at her. Coincidentally the goddess turned her head to his direction. Her laughter halted when she noticed him and to add more pain in her heart, she had to see him with her. Their eyes met but Shay looked away quickly. The other girls noticed Shay's change of mood. She was hurt, it was obvious. She kept her head down like there was something amusing to see at the floor. It only had to take for Ashley to hold Shay's hand for Shay to excuse herself. At first she walked briskly but as she got closer to the restroom her footsteps were close to sprinting.

"We should follow her you guys" Lucy suggested.

"You stay here I'll follow her" Ashley insisted. She knows it was best not to crowd Shay wherever she might be. Ashley searched for Shay in the changing room but found it empty so she then looked for her friend at the restroom and indeed her best friend was there.

"Hey babe" she gently turned Shay by her shoulder and the brunette immediately wiped away the tears on her face.

"You need something Ash?" Even though she tried her best, Shay failed to cover up her broken voice.

"I need to be here for you" Ashley hated to see Shay crying and hurting. She pulled the taller girl closer and hugged her tight. Shay needed it; the feeling of security, of being loved. She broke down on Ashley's shoulder. The blonde didn't mind it. Not so long after Troian and Lucy went in and joined Ashley in comforting Shay. If Shay had lost some love from the romantic aspect of her life, she gained more of it from her friends.

After the short dramatic scene at the restroom they went to change at the changing room. Still recovering from her crying, Shay told the girls to go ahead and wait for her outside. They respected her wish and went out. When Ryan saw the window of opportunity he sneaked his way to Shay.

"Shay I need to talk to you" Shay was too occupied to hear someone coming in. So when Ryan spoke she was spooked.

"Ryan you scared me!" she said in a loud voice to almost a shout. "What are you doing here" she didn't want to speak to him, they had no reason to.

"Hear me out Shay" she had enough of him. After giving him an eye roll she brushed past him and headed towards the door but was stopped by her arms being grabbed by Ryan. It wasn't a hard pull. "2 minutes please"

"What do you still want Ryan? We're done. You said so yourself you're unsure of us. You wanted this. What do you want to hear from me? That I'm hurt? That I'm not okay? That I'm jealous? Fine! I am. Happy now? You found someone new good for you so please let me have peace." Shay cried even harder. Ryan hated himself for doing that to Shay. He kicked himself from within for being the guy who broke her heart. He was a fool to let her go. He let his action to speak for himself by pulling her to his body. He had missed the warmth of her body on his.

"I'm sorry Shay. You don't have to say anything. I really am sorry. I must be the most stupid guy in the world. I know I'm not the best loyal boyfriend and you don't deserve that Shay. I want you to know that I'm sorry for not giving you what you deserve. It would be too cruel if I ask you for another chance even though I wanted to. You're the girl that got away from me. I don't want to see you like this anymore. This is not me making up for what I did. I just want the old Shannon back, not for me but for yourself and for the other people who loves you and those who deserve your love." He finished his piece with Shay still in his embrace. He meant every word he said, he was sorry, and he also wanted Shay to be happy.

Ashley wondered what could've taken Shay so long. The blonde strutted to the changing room crossing paths with Ryan who had left with one last kiss on Shay's forehead. Ashley just shrugged it off but when she entered the room and saw Shay in tears again she was able to put the pieces together.

"He did this to you didn't he?" there was so much anger in Ashley's tone.

"It's not what you think Ash" Shay said in between sobs. Ashley didn't need to hear the rest of the story. She stormed off to where most people were and where Ryan was talking to someone.

"Hey Silverstein!" Ashley called out and before anyone could blink Ryan's face was bleeding and Ashley's hand was pink-red swollen. Shay came running after Ashley but it was too late.

"Ashley I was just saying sorry to Shay" Ryan defended himself but the blonde is in full fury.

"You should be and don't you dare make her cry again. Never!" Ashley grabbed Shay by her wrist and the rest of their team left the studio following suit.

None of them talked about what happened in New York. It was their real life version of 'New York minute' from PLL. Ashley's hand was still swollen. They all acted normal as they went back to work. Proud of what she had done Ashley examined her knuckles. _That douche bag deserves it._ She commended herself. She posted a picture of it on instagram but instead of narrating the real story she just captioned it 'ouch'. She never would let anyone hurt her buttah even if it takes to her to risk herself.


	2. Friend of Mine

-Shay's POV-

When I think about her my chest tightens and my air runs out. The heart beats of my heart goes uneven and slowly, second by second it fades away. She used to give me butterflies. I've said it long ago that she was the little sister I never had; my other half. She was everything I ever wanted and now she's gone.

"Shay?" Michaela, my best friend and housemate came inside my bedroom. She had a worried look on her face. "You haven't had anything since this morning. Do you want me to prepare something for you?" She lay beside me and I buried my face on her chest and broke down.

"No" I was crying heavily to the point that I can't almost breathe. Mikey softly brushed patterns on my back continuously saying it's going to be okay. But is it really gonna be?

* * *

><p>After spending the day on my bed yesterday all in tears I decided to show up to work today. <em>Shay you can do this.<em> I continued to cheer myself up on my head. With all the courage I mustered I walked from the parking lot to my trailer. I forced a smile with each passing crew who greeted me. When I stepped inside my dressing room my eyes roamed around the room. There were too many memories of us in here. On top of the coffee table on the side were photo frames of pictures of us. On my on-set closet were some of Emily's clothes and her clothes. One of which hanging in there was her favorite Lakers hoodie sweatshirt. _How did this place become so much of hers?_

I closed my eyes to take everything in before placing my bag on the desk near the door. I didn't fail to notice the postcard of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. _Italy, our place._ My body suddenly felt warm and tears started to threaten to fall. I hastened my pace and gathered everything I needed but my body just fails miserably to cooperate. The things I get keeps falling to the ground, the things I'm looking for can't be found, it was more like I was panicking. When my coffee cup fell that's when I snapped. Maybe I still can't do this. I sank to the floor and went on crying. I really can't do this. I heard a knock on the door and then it opened revealing Troian.

"Shay what's wrong?" She lowered herself to my level and asked with concern. I didn't answer and went on crying. "Shay" Troian placed her hand on my shoulder.

"We broke up. She broke up with me" I barely managed to say. I still couldn't accept it, honestly, I still could not believe it happened. What had happened? In just a second it was over.

* * *

><p>"…<em>did you see it coming? I can't believe the writers did that! So as I was saying…Ashley! Ashley hey! Are you listening?" I was blabbing my excitement and amusement with how the story of PLL was going when I noticed her not paying attention.<em>

"_Huh? Yeah I'm listening" I shot her a 'whatever' look. She was clearly spacing out, not that I'm boring but I'm almost sure she's bothered by something that I can't figure out._

"_What's bothering you babe?" She focused her sight on the floor, on the view, anywhere excluding me._

"_I can't do this anymore" She said with a very tired voice. Clueless that I am I took her hand on mine and squeezed it._

"_Come on. It's the last season, we're all sad but you can't give up now." She looked at me for the first time and her eyes were dull. Something was missing in it…love._

"_I didn't mean for this to happen Shay. It's just one day I woke up and I started to question everything. It doesn't feel right anymore. I lost myself somewhere in the middle of loving you." I slowly withdrew my hand on hers. What does it all mean? Is this really happening?_

"_Have you stopped loving me?" It takes a brave one to ask such question._

"_I don't know" I could literally hear my heart break to minute pieces_

"_Is there someone else?" she shook her head. "Then why are you doing this?" My words came out bitterly than I intend to_

"_I don't know. All I know is that I have to do this." She looked away and so did I. We were both in tears already. After few minutes of silence she stood from her seat and started to walk away but then I pulled her by the arm._

"_Why is this so easy for you?" She just ends this just like that? What about our promises? Our plans?_

"_This is not easy for me Shannon!" She pulled her arm from my grip. _

"_I love you" I say to her desperately but she didn't say it back. The worst of the worst has come, the day that I feared most. I watched the girl that I loved most walk away from me on the balcony of my own home. I listened to the front door shut and the engine start and her car leaving, it was then that it sank in to me…it's over._

* * *

><p>Troian has her arms around me as she helped me up so we both could sit down on the couch. I cried and I cried as I told her what had happened the night before yesterday.<p>

"When she walked away I regret not following after her. I don't know what went wrong Troi. I must've choked her. I must've been too controlling. I must've missed out something" I still haven't figured out where I did wrong. Just last week we went to New York and it was all good and now it's this.

"Don't put all the blame to yourself. It takes two to make a relationship work. Did she say why she did it? Like a specific reason?" I shook my head.

"She just said it happened one day" Her words played looped on my mind and it hurts everytime.

"That's it? She didn't give any other reason? Don't worry about it Shay when she comes to her senses you'll get back together. This isn't the first time you broke up. You're going to get back together soon enough" Part of me was hopeful that Troian was right but somehow I know that we're done for good.

"I don't think so Troi but I certainly hope so. I was about to ask her to move in you know but then this happened." She gave me a warm smile and stood up

"Attract positive vibes Shay. So to hair and makeup shall we?" She offered me her hand and I took it to help me stand up.

"I think I'll take the rest of the day off. I'll go see Marlene." She didn't question me and just gave an understanding nod.

Marlene understood what I was going through. She agreed to give me time to grieve over my dead heart. I am now on my bed scrolling through my instagram posts crying over all our photos. I was indecisive if I am to delete those or not. Surely the fans would notice it and connect the dots and before I know it our break up would be all over the news. On the middle of my scrolling I saw one post that caught my attention.

'_it took me years to understand that the more I tried to settle her flames, the bigger her fire grew. And the more I tried to control her, the further I pushed her away. And when she was gone she left nothing behind. And for some reason I still thought of her and still hoped that maybe somewhere, someone has finally learned how to set her heart free'_

I got it from R.M. Drake. I smirked to myself. Who would have thought that this was a foreshadowing of my relationship with Ashley?

* * *

><p>Days went by and we went on with our professional lives. We're at our best when we're playing Emily and Hanna but when the camera stops rolling it was a variety of cold, awkward and distant. It was obvious to everyone around but they didn't say a word not wanting to invade our privacy. I almost wished for the camera to not stop rolling. It was the only way I could be close to her, to link our arms together or hold her hand. Hanna and Emily's closeness was my only excuse to be inch space closer to her. I even reached the point where I thought there should have been a kiss between our characters so I could kiss her lips again. It was heartbreaking but it also makes me happy.<p>

"Cut! Good one girls. You're free to go" Norman yelled and everyone started to pack up. We both went out of our characters. I went to my high chair to gather my belongings. I was almost ready to leave when I felt a presence behind me. Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and was surprised that it was Ashley. We just shot a scene together and usually we sort of ignore each other after having a scene.

"Hey. I was cleaning up the desk on my dressing room and I saw this. I thought your mom might have been looking for this for a long time. Here" she handed over a music album of my cousin Lea.

"She wasn't but thanks" We gave each other an awkward smile before she went out of Emily's room. I took a glance at it. It was an old album of my cousin which she gave to my mom when she visited us a long time ago. It all started with this.

* * *

><p>"<em>Shay buttah what's this you're listening to?" Ashley walked into my dressing room with Kale Salad and chips on hand.<em>

"_Oh it's this cd I found on my mom's rack when I went home. This was given to her by my cousin, you know Kim in Miss Saigon or mulan?" Her eyes grew wide._

"_Oh! Oh! And Princess Jasmine! A whole new world…" Ashley started singing and we both laughed at her enthusiasm._

"_Yeah her. She gave this to my mom and I brought it with me. I actually like listening to it. I remember I was so amused with her when she comes to our house. It's like Princess Jasmine was at my home. It was so cool for me that she sang the carpet song" I say with a shrug_

"_The carpet song? Seriously Shannon?" she laughed at what I called the song_

"_I will always call that the carpet song a`right" she went on laughing before she took the remote control of the player._

"_Okay okay. Here let's listen to this shall we?" She hit the next button absentmindedly and the intro of the song started to play._

'_I've known you for so long_

_You are a friend of mine_

_But is this all we'd ever be?_

_I've loved you ever since_

_You are a friend of mine_

_And babe is this all we ever could be?'_

_We both focused on listening to the song. Deep inside me it felt kind of awkward listening to that song. This was both our first time to listen to this song and of all people I would be listening to this with was her._

'_You tell me things I've never known_

_I shown you love you've never shown_

_But then again, when you cry_

_I'm always at your side_

_You tell me 'bout the love you've had_

_I listen very eagerly_

_But deep inside you'll never see_

_This feeling of emptiness_

_It makes me feel sad_

_But then again I'm glad'_

"_It's actually really good. What's the title of this song?" We both reached for the cd case and as our hands brushed we withdraw like there was a spark of electricity. We looked at each and smiled. I let her get it then. "Hmmm. What track is playing again? Oh number 2. Let's see. Friend of mine" She looked at me with a smile on her face and without really intending to I was caught up in her eyes and she also did in mine. We stared at each other as the song went on._

'_I've known you all my life_

_You are a friend of mine_

_I know this is how it's gonna be_

_I've loved you then and I love you still_

_You're a friend of mine_

_Now, I know friends are all we ever could be'_

_I let out an awkward cough to break our trance and grabbed the remote to hit the stop button._

"_It's really good" I mimicked her words a few moments ago. The song…it just says it all. I couldn't take it any longer that I had to stop it._

"_Yeah it is. I'll get us something to wash this down with" She pointed to the salad and stood up and left, quite swiftly I might add. When she left the room I let out a heavy sigh and ran my hand to my hair. I might be proven wrong but there sure was a tension in there. She went back with 2 fruit juices and we ate our salads with it. We didn't bother to put the music back._

_We had different scenes to shoot and so we didn't see each other after that lunch break. I don't know why but the lyrics of the song kept playing on rewind on my mind and I sang to it almost naturally. It's like I've memorized the lyrics just after listening to it once. I was busy on my phone while singing the song as I was walking to my dressing room. I was done for the rest of the day._

"_I've known you for so long you are a friend of mine but is this all we'd ever be?" I sang and as I've heard it, it wasn't just my voice. I looked up and saw Ashley looking through her bag singing it too. We were like singing a duet of that song. Hearing me singing she looked towards her left and saw me. I gave her a shy smile._

"_It's playing on repeat here" she pointed to her head._

"_Same here" I pointed at my head too. She then asked me if I wanted to come over to her place to which I agreed to._

I closed my eyes to fight of the tears. I promised myself over a week ago that I would stop crying and so I did. I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. I opened my eyes and shoved the CD on my bag. _You'll make it through this Shay. You can._


	3. Hang ups

-Shay's POV-

There was no one else around the dancing room when I arrived. It had been one of my favorite places on set when it was setup not so long ago. I discarded my bag on the corner and placed my phone on the speaker dock. I removed my shirt so I was only on my under armour sleeveless top. I chose a song among my dance routine playlist and I was on the mood to move to the groove of Love Song by Rihanna. I positioned myself and once it started I allowed my body to move around like the same old dance steps I used to dance this with. I closed my eyes and let the lyrics of the song sink in to me. Despite the loud sound Ashley's voice repeats on my head. _'Shay…move on'. _As if it's that easy. Not long after I felt a pair of warm hands on my sweaty arm sliding towards my hand. I open my eyes and jump slightly, not expecting someone.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Drew said backing away.

"It's okay. I wasn't just expecting anyone that's all" I replied with a small smile.

"I was just passing by and I saw you dancing. You're dance real good Shay" Red glow spread over my cheeks. Drew and I have gone closer after recently shooting handful of scenes together as Emily and Jason. "So I'll let you get back to dancing now. Nice seeing you" He gave me his closed lip smile that I've always admired.

"Wait." I held his strong biceps. "Dance with me"

"I don't…dance" he said shyly and laughed. Drew was a big guy but he was a big shy one.

"I know you can. Come on" I persuaded him and he finally gave in. Good thing he was on track pants, it'll be easier for him to move around. It was no secret that we, the cast of PLL, don't really dress up on work except when we put in our character's clothing. He took off his shirt revealing his much toned torso. I smirked and raised my eyebrow teasing him earning a smirk from him too. "Okay so you follow me and be my support and you just let your body move" I played the song from the beginning and he observed me as I danced. Later on just when the chorus was about to play he joined in on my back and our bodies moved in synchrony. Bodies pressed dancing to the rhythm. I could say we looked so sexy by looking at the mirrors surrounding us. _Sexy dancing with Drew Van Acker is something._ I say to myself.

'_Boy I just wanna be in your possession_

_You say I'm the one you want so come express it'_

He twirled me around and I ended up facing him, few inches close to his face. We smiled at each other and then he twirled me again. This time my back was pressed on his front. Slowly, we continued dancing. I looked at us in the mirror again. I could see him slowly leaning in pressing his lips on the skin at the back of my neck. I can feel his hot breath on my skin. I turned around and stared at his green eyes. It was beautiful but not as mesmerizing as those baby blue ones. He was taller than me by about 2 inches unlike her who has about 4 inches shorter than me. _Stop thinking about her Shay._ Before I could think again Drew captured my lips with his. _Her lips are softer. Oh screw it._ I kissed him back.

'_Love, love, love, love and affection_

_Love, love, l.o. and affection'_

* * *

><p>-Ashley's POV-<p>

I covered my mouth with my hands to muffle the sound coming from it. I just saw Shay and Drew sexily dancing. He kissed the back of her neck and I almost wanted to stop him. She turned around and stared at him and the next thing they were lip locking. Anger and jealousy filled my body. Tears found home in my eyes. I wanted to step in right there and kick his ass for kissing her but I lost that right months ago. I broke up with her. I chose this…but why do I still feel this? There were couple of instances that I saw Shay crying after we broke up. I wanted to come to her side and comfort her but what am I supposed to say? That it'll be okay? Ask her why she's crying? I know why…me.

I walked away and headed for the parking lot. I already was on my way home when I saw them two dancing. I shouldn't have watched in the first place. I entered my car and drove away. To keep away the scene I just saw I tried to distract myself with music and ironically Kiss me by Sixpence none the richer played. It used to Shay and I's song. I sang to the top of my lungs. Flashbacks then came to my mind

* * *

><p><em>Shay and I used to be a happy couple. We were, until I decided to end it. It was a relationship grounded by friendship and strengthened by love. I may be the most stupid person to the world, I know that.<em>

_I was enjoying my lazy staycation when my phone rang. I was surprised to see the name of Michaela, Shay's best friend, on the screen._

"_Hey Mikey" I tried my best not to sound surprised_

"_Uhmm…Ash…I didn't want to disturb you but did you happen to know where Shay is?" Her voice sounded hesitant. She must have been thinking that she wasn't supposed to be asking me about my girl-ex girlfriend's whereabouts._

"_I have no idea Mickey. I'm sorry" I could hear her sigh from the other line_

"_Well thanks anyway Ash. If you happen to hear from her…maybe…please call me" it was then that I noticed her worried voice_

"_Is something wrong with Shannon?" I crossed my fingers that they might just have fought or something and nothing really bad was happening_

"_She's missing. She didn't come home the other day and yesterday I haven't heard anything from her at all…" Michaela explains to me everything._

"_It's very unlikely of her not to tell you anything about where she's heading. Have you tried calling her again today?" I now was deeply worried._

"_I tried like a thousand of times but I couldn't get in touch. I don't want to worry her mom by calling her. Should I file a missing person's report?" It sounded absurd but right at the same time._

"_Don't. When this reaches the press it's gonna get messed up. I'll look for her in places I know and I'll call you as soon as I get info." I was already on my way to my car with just my lazy clothes on._

"_Okay. Thanks Ash. I'll call you too if anything comes up" We bid each other goodbye and ended the phone call. I went to places where I thought she might be in but came up with nothing._

"_Shay where the hell are you?" I murmured to myself. I leaned to my headrest and in a split second a thought came to my mind. I grabbed my laptop and hesitantly opened Shay's personal e-mail. It was such luck that she still hadn't changed her password. 'HmEf060810' She says it's best to use alternating capitalization and to use numbers. 060810 is a date that she says she treasures most. I checked her mail and to no surprise my suspicions were right._

_After a 13 hour flight I finally landed to the place where my hunch lead me. There is no assurance in what I'm doing but I'm taking risks. Before Shay had always said that she wanted to live in a villa in Italy someday just go there to get away with everything. It had always been her plan but when we got together it became our plan. When Pretty Little Liars come to end we planned to go to Italy and stay there for a month or so and visit places and live our Italian dream._

_I recalled the places we planned to go to before and went there one by one to look for Shay but ended up empty handed. It was around dinner time that I retreated to the hotel. I went up for a quick shower before heading to the hotel's restaurant. I looked around for a seat but instead saw a beautiful lonely girl sitting alone on the far most table. I made my way to her and sat down on the opposite chair. She was looking at the window nursing herself with a glass of wine._

"_So you found me" she said without looking at me_

"_What the hell Shay? Don't scare us like that again." I saw her hand on top of the table and I was nearly tempted to grab it._

"_I went to the places we're supposed to visit. I flew here alone. I needed something to convince myself that I can make it" Shay always had this thing to make something outrageous to get over something. "Is it about me leaving?" She asked me but I didn't say anything. "Because if you want me to stay I'll stay"_

"_Shay it's not." Was all I said. She was to shoot for a Bond movie in London and will be in there for quite some time. It was a milestone for her. She had dreamed to be a Bond girl and now the role is hers. We've discussed all sides regarding long distance relationships perhaps it's why she thought it's the reason I broke up with her._

"_Ashley it's been a month and I'm feeling no better. I need you" she looked at me desperately with her eyes in tears._

"_We can't do this Shannon" I said sternly_

"_Yes we can Ashley. I can-" _

"_But I can't!" I cut her before she could add something. Our table fell silent for a while. I don't know how we managed to keep our voices low._

"_Do you still love me?" She asked and I knew the answer. I've known for a long time. I just couldn't tell her. "I love you Ashley"_

"_Then stop loving me…Shannon…Shay…move on" she closed her eyes as I said the words._

* * *

><p>-Shay's POV-<p>

When I came back to my senses I gently pushed Drew away. I didn't want to lead him on.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that" he quickly apologized. "I know that you and Ashley have just broken up and you're still coping up. I shouldn't have taken advantage of your vulnerability"

"I was the one who insisted for us to dance. I'm sorry too." We both had our eyes on the floor. "I should get going" I rushed to my bag and put my baggy shirt on me. Before I could leave Drew called me out

"I'm here for you Shay" he said. I approached him and left a kiss on his cheeks before leaving. _The person who said that same words after my last breakup left me too. No one stays._ I said on my mind.

* * *

><p>-Ashley's POV-<p>

Maybe I regret the things I said before maybe not. It's been 3 months since we broke up and all that matters is that I did it because I love her. The tears falling on my eyes made my vision blurry. I wiped away the tears with my sleeves then when I looked back on the windshield all I saw was a very bright headlight coming towards my direction.


	4. Secret

-Ashley's POV-

When I looked back on the windshield all I saw was a very bright headlight coming towards my direction. I briskly stirred the wheel away from it just in time to avoid collision. _That was close._ I said to myself. I pulled over to the side to recover from what just happened. I was crying and laughing at the same time. I noticed that my hands were shaking. I almost died and it was scary. Out of instincts I grabbed my phone and dialed the topmost number on my speed dial list. Few rings and a familiar voice answered only it was her voicemail and then I came to realize how crazy was what I was doing. I froze on my seat breathing heavily…what am I going to do? I ended the call and turned my phone off. I know for sure it already recorded my panting and she'd be able to hear it. _Ugh! Ashley you're an idiot._

When I was fit enough to drive again I went home and slept as soon as I arrived. It had been a long day. I woke up the next day in the mood to go out alone and so I did. I walked around the city going in from shop to shop. I was busy looking at my phone while walking that I bumped into someone.

"Sorry" we both said together and I was stunned to see who I ran into "Ryan?"

"Ashley. Hey!" He smiled at me and gave me a quick hug meanwhile I was still shocked. "Umm…are you gonna punch me in the face again?" He asked when I just stared at him

"What? Oh! No. No. Sorry about that by the way. I'm just…wow. It's nice to see you Silverstein" He chuckled and I could see he was really relieved

"It's okay. I was kind of an ass back then. It's nice to see you too. How have you been?" I don't know which was more awkward about this. Me bumping into my ex's ex boyfriend or me bumping into my best friend's ex-boyfriend?

"I'm…good?!" my answer came out more like of a question

"So how's you and Shay?" I feared that he'd ask that but he did

"There's no more me and Shay. I broke it off with her" he gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Sucks to be the one breaking the heart of the Shay Mitchell right?" I lowered my head in shame. "I know how it feels there's nothing to be ashamed of. I've been there."

"So are you going to get even with me and punch me too?" He shook his head in laughter

"Nahh…we're good. I don't need you to feel physical pain when losing Shay's much more painful. I think it's enough to get even." It all seems lighter when me and him could joke about something hurtful.

"I guess we have to share crowns now. Anyway I need to get going. It was nice to see you Ry"

"Nice to see you too. We should hangout next time and talk about it with coffee. Trust me I know how it feels and it's nice to be able to talk about it" He offered and it doesn't seem so bad

"Next time. Bye Ryan" He pulled me in for a hug and I hugged him back. Seconds later we both went on our ways.

"Ashley!" He called me out and I turned around. "Not to pry but why? I thought you were smarter than me?"

"It's complicated" He nodded and started walking away again. He understood.

* * *

><p>-Shay's POV-<p>

I was going through some stuff online and saw something that I wasn't expecting. It was some article online with Ashley and Ryan hugging each other. _Oh how cute! Those two people who I loved and yeah who broke my heart too._ I heard a knock on my door.

"Shay can talk about—what's wrong?" He came in asked but stopped and changed his words

"Nothing" I lied. He sat down beside me on the couch.

"So you're crying for no reason?" I wiped away the stray tears on my face and showed him my laptop

"Is that? You don't think she cheated on you with him right?" I gave him a light shove.

"Of course not! It's just that they both used to remind me of love…of being in love and of happiness and you know. Now they remind me of heartache, tears, sadness, the complete opposite" he wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed on his chest.

"Let it all out Shay. I'm here for you" he stroked my hair with his free hand

"Don't say that. They told me that too you know. Ryan, Ashley…but still they left. " It was true. I thought Ashley would make it all better after Ryan but she did even worst. At least with Ryan it could have been foreseen since we were fighting all the time but with her it doesn't make sense.

"Then I'll just tell you that you've got a friend in me then" he lifted my chin with his hand and wiped away the tears on my face. "Hush now. Promise me that you won't cry for them again. Promise me Shay"

"I promise" I muttered the words with no stress because that's what I plan to do.

I was kept on Drew's arms until I felt better. He shared to me stories to lighten up the mood and it magically worked.

"Oh I need to head out now. I have one more scene to shoot" he said as he looked at his watch

"I'm shooting in a few too. Thank you for being a friend" I was grateful for him

"Anytime." He kissed my forehead and I gave him the most genuine smile I have.

"About yesterday…" I trailed off unsure if we were supposed to talk about it

"We don't have to bring it up if it makes you uncomfortable." I nodded. Drew was such a good guy

"Why don't we have lunch together as my way of thanking you" He narrowed his eyes to pretend like he's thinking about it

"Only if it's on me" He said with a teasing smile

"Not gonna happen. It's on me" I insisted

"No it's not and yes I'm treating you for lunch. Okay?" To cut the chase I agreed.

"See you at lunch" I said when he stood up

"I'll be the guy at the door" I had a wide grin on my face and so did he. He went out of the door just in time Sasha came in. They both greeted each other cheerfully and Sasha already had a smirk on his face and was giving me 'what-is-the-meaning-of-this' look. I just shrugged in response.

"Okay I want details" She said as she sat down beside me just where Drew sat minutes ago

"There's nothing to tell" I answered

"Nothing? Really? Come on tell me what was Drew doing here? And what's with the smiles?" Sasha kept poking the side of my stomach

"Nothing. He was just being a friend' I said truthfully.

"And how exactly was he being a friend?" She really enjoyed teasing me

"He held me as I cry over this" I showed her what I've shown Drew.

"Oh." Sasha wasn't able to form another word for a few minutes but then spoke up again. "But that doesn't explain the smile you both are wearing. I haven't seen that one from you since months ago"

"Whatever! Let's just rehearse. We only have half an hour left before hair and makeup" I roll my eyes as she continues to tease me.

After finishing our Emily and Alison takes I went back to my room and as he promised Drew was there waiting by the door.

"Ready?" he asked me

"Let me just get my bag" he nodded and again I smiled. Sasha was right. I haven't smiled as much as I did today. _Shay you're making progress._

"Where are we going?" I asked as Drew drove. I had no idea where we're headed but I know he won't kill me or something

"There's this small place I knew…in fact we're here" He turned to a corner and parked his car on one of the empty spaces. It was a small pizza pub that already smelt good from the outside. It was real cozy in the inside too. We ordered what we wanted and shared stories over lunch. It was a good one I must say. As much as both of us wanted to stay we couldn't because I still had scenes to shoot.

"You're done for the day?" I asked him

"Yeah. That was the last scene I'm supposed to shoot today. You?" Just the thought of it kills me

"Midnight." I say with a sigh.

"Aww poor Shannon" he teased me gaining a light punch over his arm "I'm going to get bruises all over me when I'm with you"

"It's not that much force" We both laughed and entered his car. The drive back to the studio had small talks and giggles.

"Could we do this again?" he asked with a low voice. As I've already said he's a shy one. I thought about playing with him

"What was that again?" I turned to face him with a serious face

"I was asking if-" he didn't continue when he saw my lips curve into a wide smile "you heard me the first time didn't you?" he was now smiling too

"I'm just playing around. Of course we can do this again." He pulled over in front of the entrance of the building where we shoot

"You're here and let me guess, you're shooting a scene with Sasha right?" I gave him a 'how-did-you-know-look' and he pointed at my side. Sasha was looking at us with a knowing smirk and I just rolled my eyes.

"Guess that right. Thank you again for today. I'll see you soon" It was real tempting to kiss him on the cheeks

"You're welcome. I'll see you later" He gave my hand a light squeeze

"Whatever you say" I enjoyed his hand on my for a little while before pulling away and going to where Sasha was.

"Okay? Was he being a friend again?" I narrowed my eyes on her and waved my pointer finger from left to right as if to say no

"Come on we won't tell the others" Hudson, Sasha's boyfriend of years tried to convince me. He was around hanging out on set

"You two suit each other. We just had lunch" I can't help but grin at the memory. I can't help but grin at the memory. Yes it was one of the best lunches I had in months.

* * *

><p>-Ashley's POV-<p>

I overheard Sasha, Shay and Hudson's conversation. Hell I even saw her being dropped off by Drew. _Guess they're really hitting it off. Good for her._ Ryan was right it really does suck breaking Shay's heart and it does hurt too.

Later that night after shooting our last scenes for the day and not to mention another awkward moment of shooting Emily and Hanna's room sharing scene, I sat down on my chair trying to rest for the few minutes of break.

"Drew? You're here! You don't have scenes today anymore" I heard Marlene's voice and I looked over and saw Drew on a white shirt and cargo shorts.

"No no I'm just dropping by" He sat on one of the observers chair and then Marlene called us again to resume taping.

After having the perfect take we were finally done. I gathered my stuff and prepared to leave. It was then my eyes caught something that I still wasn't ready to see. Drew approached Shay and they chitchat for a while. I saw that one thing I haven't seen for months from Shay, happiness. She smiled from time to time at him and laughs at something that he says. I walked away heads down. At least he could do that one thing I failed to do for her, well at least I used to do. I drove home, attentive this time, and just like what I do for 3 months and something now, I took out my wine glass and open a new bottle of Moscato. I pour the drink to the brim of my glass and turned the music player on. One sad song plays followed by another. As each song changes the more refills I get. I flip through pages of a photo album that I have been flipping for as long as I've been doing by drinking habits. Tears, the tears complete the night, it just does. I wipe the tears away and take another sip.

I decided to surf online for a change. _What a crap!_ I can't help to roll my eyes at the gossip news and attached to it was a photo of me and Ryan hugging. _So what if I'm hugging him?!_ I kept on scrolling I found fresh news that added no help to how I feel at the moment._**'Shay Mitchell & Ashley Benson: Couple no more'**_those were the big bold headlines I read. It was one thing to have knowledge of it but to read it all over the news was different. _Here goes the ton of questions now._ It's for sure that fans and reporters would surely buzz about it soon enough now that it's finally out. I continued to read the article despite the tears and the alcohol on my system. Line after line I go. _**'…and in the end the couple settled for what's best for both of them'**_Oh how true the last line was. It hurts but it's for the best. They wouldn't actually know why we broke up, no one else will, not even Shay. It's my secret to keep.

* * *

><p>It's like buttahbenzo broke up for real. No pics no tweet no interaction :(<p> 


	5. This sucks

-Ashley's POV-

Lucy had dragged me to a private bar to join the rest of the cast in Shay's pre-send off party. Basically it's a party prior to her send off party. We were guided to a VIP room and inside waiting in there when we arrived was no other than Drew. I was as surprised as Shay to see him. All around the room were pink decorations.

"Surprise!" He said giving Shay bouquet of flowers.

"This was his idea. He did all of this" Keegan informed Shay. She was clearly so happy with all of it and so she went to Drew to hug him. I tried my best not to look away. When they pulled away Drew held both of Shay's hands.

"We've been hanging out for quite a while now and I'm happy when I'm with you. I really like you Shay. Everything gets better when I see you. You're all I see in a crowded room. I don't even want to look at anyone other than you…" I think I know where this was headed and surely Lucy knew too because she leaned in to whisper to my ear

"Ash I didn't know. I'm sorry. If only I knew I wouldn't have pushed you to this" I just smiled at her. She looked so apologetic.

"It's okay Luce. She's my best friend. I should be here. It's okay" I knew this day would come I just didn't thought it would happen so soon. 6_ months? Shay really does move on quickly._

"…So I've been meaning to ask you this, Shannon will you be my girlfriend?" by the time my attention was back to them Drew was already asking the golden question. A smiled appeared on Shay's face.

"I really like you too Drew. It's a yes" Everyone cheered when Shay said 'yes'. Drew pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead. I can't lie, it does hurt but at least Shay's happy now. I smiled along with the others. Confetti rained down as Ian and Tyler popped the party poopers. I can't help but compare how Shay and Drew got together and how Shay and I got together. It was nothing like this. It wasn't as cheesy and as romantic. It was unplanned to be honest, but it was lovely.

* * *

><p><em>I've noticed that Shay was a bit off lately. We've been busy with our own agendas that we've not gotten a chance to hangout together. She was always with Michaela and me with Jamie. Our fans have been wondering why we don't post pictures of us on our IG anymore. We didn't have a reason, we were really just busy.<em>

_On one chance that I got I surprised her at her place. I brought with me bags of Nacho chips and dip. Shay welcomed me happily and surprisingly._

"_I've missed you Benzo" She didn't stop hugging me. She was all over me and I didn't mind._

"_I missed you too Buttah" she was home alone. I didn't fail to notice that she was listening to the song we were listening to on her trailer. I just forgot the song title. "You really like this song don't you?" Blush crept on her face._

"_A bit" She smiled and ushered me to her living room. We watched movies all day. My head was resting on her lap while she massages my temples. She spoke up when the credits started rolling. "Ash?" I was too busy enjoying the relaxing feeling so I just made a 'hmm?' sound. "Do you know why I like this song?" I sat up and looked at her innocently._

"_Why?" She looked down and breathed deeply. She looked at me again and her eyes were full of sincerity._

"_Because it says it all" she sighed._

"_Says what honey?" Sometimes I really was just oblivious to the things around me but then I understood when I felt Shay's lips on mine. It was very quick but the heat of Shay's lip lingered._

"_I like you Ashley…as more than a friend" Shay confessed. I have never been so taken back in my whole existence._

"_I-I need to go" I rushed out before Shay could say anything else._

_Shay tried to avoid me in every possible way for a whole week. Each night on that week I've thought about what she had confessed. What signs did I miss? Do I feel the same? What will happen if we'd be together? Together?_

_After having a scene together I wordlessly dragged Shay to my trailer and locked the door._

"_Why are you avoiding me?" I crossed my arms to my chest_

"_I'm not" she lies but then gives in when I raised my eyebrows. "Okay fine I am. It's awkward. I just told you what I felt and then you left as fast as you could like I have some contagious disease or something. What I said and did changed everything between us. I hopelessly like you and I need some time to wave this weird feeling off" I took a step closer. My mind was full of questions. What? When? Why? How?_

"_What if you don't have to? What if I told you I like you too" I slowly spoke…cautious most likely_

"_It's not funny Ashley" She shifted her weight from left to right_

"_Who says I'm trying to be funny?" I took a step again and now we're inches from each other. She was looking away from me._

"_Ashley please. You're really being difficult as of the moment" I moved my face closer to hers with our lips almost touching. Shay was biting her lip and still trying to avoid the sight of me._

"_Just kiss me already" She looked at me like it was as if I was challenging her._

"_Screw it" Shay closed the distance between us and this time I kissed back. My hands found its way to her waist pulling her closer but she pushed me away. "Woah! Woah."_

"_I like you too" I pulled her back and this time initiated the kiss. Our foreheads rested as it ended._

"_So you really do like me" She bit her lip again with a shy smile on her face. I nodded. "You could've saved me from all the awkwardness and shame the past few days you know. Just saying"_

"_Well I had to figure things out for one and I had to see if we do look cute together" She leaned back and narrowed her eyes at me. "What?"_

"_Together? Are you implying what I think you're implying?" she playfully wiggled her eyebrows_

"_Maybe. So what do you say, you and me?" I intertwined our hands_

"_That would work" and in that moment I swore to myself that I would never hurt Shay the way Ryan did._

* * *

><p>"Hey" Keegan nudged me taking me away from my trip to memory lane.<p>

"What's up Keegs?" Everyone was having drinks in hand dancing on the floor

"I know that was kinda awkward for you. I'm sorry Ash" I shook my head. _Why is everyone talking to me with such pity? It's not like I just saw my ex saying yes to her new boyfriend._

"I'm genuinely happy for Shay. She deserves it" He shrugged and handed me a drink which I drank in one shot. _I need more of this tonight._

I forgot how much I had to drink. I just felt hyped and pumped up. My body seemed like functioning on its own. We were dancing and it was fun. I spotted Shay alone taking selfies. I ran to her and photobombed her.

"You're drunk aren't you" she was laughing when she asked

"No. You're just blurry" I replied laughing too. This was the first conversation we have that isn't awkward. "Take a picture of us"

"Okay. Ready? Smile" I hopped on her back when she snapped the picture. I might have been too heavy or she wasn't just expecting it so we fell down. "You really are drunk. Here let me help you" She stood up and reached out her hand. I took it and stood up before hugging her tight by the crook of her neck with my face buried on her chest. At first she didn't hug me back but then she couldn't resist me so she wrapped her arms around me too.

"I love-"The next thing was all in black.

* * *

><p>I woke up with a very bad headache. The room I was in was spinning. <em>JFC. This sucks.<em> I turned to my nightstand to see that it was past 1 in the afternoon. I picked up my phone and saw that I had few messages from my mom, Marlene and Troian. I also had missed calls from Lucy. I didn't look at the unread messages and proceeded to check on Twitter. Apparently I had photos together with Shay last night that I don't remember and on one photo it was just us two and she was the one who uploaded it. The caption was 'always and forever best friends #buttahbenzo'. If it was me I might have omitted best friends but then that's what I am now…just the best friend. Thousands of comments wished for us to get back together. I just smiled a sad smile. Feeling of joy and pain filled me when I saw Drew posting a photo of him and Shay with the caption 'my bond girl'. She could've been mine. _This really sucks._

* * *

><p><em>I was talking with a critic and analyst for an interview. We were about to end.<em>

"_Is it true that Shay turned down 2 guest roles because she was to have cozy scenes in one and kissing scene on the other?" She kept writing down on her journal as she asked_

"_Excuse me?" She looked up to me and I had a very puzzled face on. I never heard of such thing. She might have seen that I was clueless. She turned the recorder off and put her pen down._

"_Okay this is off the record. From what I've heard Shay turned down 2 offers just recently." How come Shay never told me this?_

"_I-I have no idea. Could you just give me a second?" I picked up my phone and dialed Shay's handler. He did confirmed that Shay turned 2 roles down recently and even told me that he's glad Shay finally told me. I bid him goodbye as soon as I got the info and told him not to tell Shay I asked._

"_Don't get me wrong okay. Shay has a very big potential. She's beautiful, talented, sexy and self driven. She's got a bright career ahead but she wouldn't move forward if she kept turning down projects." I couldn't point my finger to where the woman was saying_

"_I'm not telling her to" she chuckled_

"_Of course you won't. You're her biggest fan. I know you're a good girlfriend to Shay but I guess your relationship might be the one that anchors her down" I was speechless for a moment._

"_Where are you going on with this? Are you telling me to break up with Shay?" I said with slight annoyance on my tone._

"_No I'm not suggesting anything here honey. But if it was me I'd let the bird free of the cage" she placed her hand on top of mine. Should I let Shay go?_

_I have thought through what the woman said. It wasn't something I could just ignore but it wasn't something I also should rush. Partly I believe that Shay really did turn down the roles because of me. Sometimes I get too jealous when she has scenes where she has to kiss someone else that isn't me or when she has to hold hands, be too close or you know. I don't know how many more roles she turned down but she should stop doing that. I know Shay loves me so much. Too much that she'd give anything up for me. She loves me over anyone, even over herself. If she was to choose between me and her career she would choose me in a heartbeat and that's what I'm concerned most. She was always passionate with acting. She had always wanted to be in this industry. This was her dream. She was yet on the verge of deciding whether she would accept the role as a bond girl or not. I cannot let her compromise her dreams because of me. I have made up my mind._


	6. Truth is out

-Shay's POV-

Shards of a broken bottle, smudge make up and hot tears on our faces; yeah that was what tonight's all about. I thought we could still fix it. I had hopes that maybe, even after the pain, she and I could still be friends again. I look at her one more time with looks of sadness, hatred, regret, pain, disgust and as much as I don't want to admit, love. I shook my head and walked out, at least this time it was my turn to do such. It broke my heart to leave her like that. A fragile and crying Ashley was on the ground not saying a word. I recalled the events of the day. It was supposed to be a party but why did we end up here so messed up.

* * *

><p>"<em>Hey you" I greeted Drew as he picked me up for today's PLL series finale party. Oh it feels like it was just yesterday that I went here in L.A. for PLL's audition and now here I am on my way to its finale party with my very hot date.<em>

"_Hey beautiful. Ready to go?" He was wearing a very nice suit that looked well with him while I was on a tight black dress that showed some skin and hugged my curves with my hair down. I almost looked like how I was on PLL's 100__th__ episode party which reminded me of Ashley and I's picture. We were doing our kissy faces and were just inches apart. "Babe you okay?" Drew broke me off my trail of thoughts which I was thankful for._

"_Yeah. Let's go?" I reached out my hand and he took it willingly guiding me to his car. We drove off to the venue. "I still can't believe it's over now"_

"_Me too. It was a good run, our ratings were always on the roof and we always trended" He replied to our light conversation. One thing that I like with Drew is that he's nice to talk to. "Now that PLL's done that also means you're starting with your bond movie soon right?"_

"_In 2 weeks" I sighed. He reached out to squeeze my hand._

"_It's okay. I still got you for two weeks babe." I turned to him. His eyes were on the road but he has a smile on his face._

"_You better make it count" I teased him but he just shrugged._

"_That's no challenge for me" He says proudly and soon the car was filled with our laughter. But not for long Drew's laughing face changed. "Don't you think you should talk to her before you leave?" He asked with all sincerity. He had been convincing me the whole week to patch things up with Ashley. It's not a bad idea since she and I were good at the pre send off party and things were not awkward after it._

"_I don't know. We'll see" I said nonchalant to the idea._

* * *

><p><em>Upon our arrival a lot of the media had been taking pictures of us and asking us couple of questions. We answered to some before heading in. Out of us liars only Lucy and Ashley weren't there yet. I mingled around with the other cast members while Drew was having a conversation with the others. 15 minutes later Lucy arrived in a cute red dress, just like her song from not so long ago.<em>

"_Hey girls!" She greeted Troian, Sasha and I._

"_What took you so long?" Troian asked Lucy once she was beside us._

"_Traffic's a buzz. Where's Ashley by the way?" Just as Lucy mentioned her Ashley came in wearing a simple yet elegant white dress with her hair up. Just like me she also looked like the way she was at the 100__th__ episode party._

"_What's this a throwback party?" Lucy said a witty comment noticing the similarities but I was too distracted. Don't get me wrong, I like Drew a lot and he's my boyfriend but you couldn't take it from me to still admire Ashley. She still has a part of her in my heart and I guess it would always be like that. I loved her so much and I could never 'unlove' her even after our break up. Probably we will never get back together but at least I could still keep her as a friend._

"_Let us welcome the late Ms. Ashley Benson" Troian joked around and Ashley gave her a light shove before giving us all a hug. Good thing there isn't any awkward tension between us especially after she saw me saying yes to Drew and her almost saying…those words._

"_Oh don't be so dramatic Troi, I had to change my dress and then there's traffic. What's important is that I'm here now" Ashley explains herself in her usual bubbly manner. "You look good Shannon" she complimented me and I almost embarrassed myself by blushing._

"_You're not so bad yourself Ash" I smiled shyly. I could see the other girls looking at us awkwardly and thanks to Sasha for cutting of the tension with her fake loud cough._

"_So let's go around shall we?" Sasha suggested and we all agreed._

* * *

><p><em> It was a fun night. Nevertheless it also has its drama since it's the series finale party. Not just an ordinary wrap up party where we still get to see each other for the next season. After this, we would continue on our separate ways and hopefully somewhere along the journey we'd work together again. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry already.<em>

"_Wine?" I turned to see who was doing such kind gesture and to a half surprise it was Ashley._

"_Thanks" I took the glass she offered and sipped it. "I was meaning to have some alone time with you tonight"_

"_Is that so Miss Mitchell?" She said in a funny English tone that she always makes_

"_So what do you say Miss Victoria? Would you bestow upon me your blessing to talk to you?" I played around to Ashley's foolishness._

"_Of course my dear" We both giggled at our silliness. Our conversation started with how good the party was and how amazing our show has went. I attempted so many times to open up a personal topic yet I could not find the courage. The loud music and the crowd aren't helping either. "Something bothering you Shay?" Ashley asked noticing my utter discomfort_

"_Do you wanna go somewhere else?" I whispered on her ear. She looked at me surprised. It was then that I realized how it sounded. "I mean somewhere we could talk properly. Somewhere silent"_

"_Sure. Come on" We both left the area where the party was held but not after Ashley had managed to sneak for a bottle of wine. We were on what seemed to be a lounge with no one around but just us._

"_I can't believe you really brought that with you" Ashley just looked at the bottle and shrugged._

"_Why not?" She sat beside me and popped the cork out of the bottle taking a gulp of it before passing on to me. I gladly drank thinking the alcohol might come in handy. We continued talking but now about our plans for the future._

"_So you're really enrolling for Culinary huh?" I teased her. She just said that she was looking for culinary schools that could accommodate with her schedule. Since PLL was done our schedules weren't that packed anymore._

"_That's the initial plan. How about you? How long are you gonna be in London?" She passed me the bottle again and before I replied a took a drink of it_

"_I'll come and go. I still do have commitments here. So yeah." She nodded. I assessed the situation, now's the time._

"_Ash?" She turned her head to me with a smile on her face. I was ready with all that I had to say but seeing her sweet smile made me forget. She stared at me and soon our eyes met, oh those baby blue eyes._

"_Shay?" I opened my mouth and tried to speak but closed it again. I felt dumb for doing that. Her sight went back and forth from my eyes to my lips. My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. Is this really happening? She leaned in slowly. It's like the whole world slowed down. Our faces were inches from each other. I could feel the warmth of her breathing. She closed her eyes and so did I. Just when our lips were about to touch I pushed her away. "Sorry. Sorry. I shouldn't have done that" she quickly apologized and moved a foot away from me._

"_You can't do that to me Ash. It's unfair." Well this doesn't how this topic was supposed to start. Tears were already threatening to fall. I tried to hold them back but as each second passes it gets harder._

"_Shay I'm really sorry. I don't know what came to my mind" she placed her hand on my arm and it had to take was that before my tears broke. She moved closer and hugged me. It wasn't as warm as it was. It was uncertain and unsecure. I pushed her away again._

"_Why? I've been wondering all this time Ashley. Why did you give up on us? Why did you walk away from me? Why?" The words came out angrier than how I meant it to be._

"_Do we really have to do this now?" she was calm, surprisingly calm despite of how I talked to her_

"_I deserve to know!" I stood up and paced back and forth. _

"_I-I can't tell you" I scoffed angrily and shook my head. This was a waste of time. I was going to walk away to the door when I heard her whisper the 6 words that made me snap. I think she didn't mean for me to hear it but I did. "I shouldn't have let you go" her face was buried on the palm of her hands_

"_What did you just say Ashley?" I marched back in front of her towering her with my figure._

"_Nothing" she kept her face on her palm_

"_Ashley!" I raised my voice on a threatening tone_

"_I said I shouldn't have let you go" She said in almost a yell. She looked up at me and her eyes were red in tears._

"_How dare you! You're very unfair Ash. You told me to move on and now that I am moving on you send those mix signals to me. Do you think I didn't notice you bringing me coffee more often last week than the other weeks before? Or you complimenting me most of the time? Why are you doing that to me? What wrong did I do to you for you to treat me that way? Tell me!" She didn't say anything. She just sobbed. "And…and during the pre send off party, when you hugged me, do you think I didn't remember you almost saying..."_

"_I love you" she continued the sentence for me._

"_Exactly! Those 3 words that I longed to hear from you months ago. I told you so many times what I felt Ashley but you never said it back. Now you just blab it out of the blue?!" She stood up and brushed past me._

"_I was drunk! I had no self control...control over what I feel." Her first words were angry but her last words were soft._

"_What are you saying?" She hastily wiped her tears with the back of her hand_

"_Did you ever think each time you said those words I'm not tempted to say it back? I wanted to Shay but I can't, because I shouldn't but in that night…that night where you officially moved on…I was so bottled up inside that I had to say it. Just like now. I love you Shannon. I never stopped loving you" I should be happy right? I wanted to hear those words to come from her again but I'm not. It brings me more pain to be honest._

"_So you told me to stop loving you yet you yourself never stopped loving me? See? You're being unfair! You end things suddenly without even saying why and then few months later you tell me you still love me? Fuck you Ashley!" This really didn't go along with my actual plan. I guess the alcohol was of actual no help at all._

"_I had to let you go. Remember that time I had an interview and you were in New York and I surprised you thereafter? It was a week before we broke up. Yeah how could you forget. She-she told me you turned down 2 guest roles because of me. I know how much passion you have for acting and I can't let myself be a barrier to your dream. You haven't yet decided if you would accept the role for the bond movie and it was too big for you to turn down so I had to do it. Now I know I made the right choice" I was in shock of her explanation. I was open for many ideas as to why she broke up with me but this was the least of my options._

"_How sure were you that I would still accept the role after we broke up? How sure were you that you were the reason I turned the roles down?" My voice was stern and cold._

"_You accepted it didn't you? And the lady said so. I called your handler he said you really did turn down those roles" I kept a straight face. Was I angry? Yes._

"_Yes I turned those down but not because of the reason you think! I had to turn those down because I was offered a better guest role. Project Runway and ANTM offered me to be a guest judge and I couldn't turn it down because that time I realized I loved modeling and fashion just as much as I loved acting. I didn't tell you that because I wanted it to be a surprise. You should've asked me first rather than making such rushed decisions. Ugh. I can't believe this" I felt so conflicted. Ashley sacrificed our relationship for nothing?_

"_I-I…I don't know what to say" she sighed. She probably regrets doing it. "But it was still for the best right? You're about to leave in 2 weeks for your dream role. It's not that much of a waste" What?_

"_Not much of a waste? Ashley you threw away relationship to the ends of the world for nothing. You should've talked to me about it. I asked you why, I asked you so many times. We could've still fixed it but it's too late. You know what you did? You took away something so important from me aside from my heart. You took away my freedom. You think you gave me freedom? Well newsflash Ash you didn't. You didn't give me a chance to make a choice." My chest was aching. My heart broke again. Our tears were unstoppable._

"_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I messed us up. I'm so sorry Shannon." That's why I didn't want anyone making decisions for myself because I know it would end up a mess, just how my relationship went._

"_I hate you Ashley" I didn't really hate her, I just couldn't find a much more appropriate word. She walked closer to me and held my arm._

"_Shay please" I was so mad that I yanked my arm from her and unintentionally causing her to tumble down. She knocked off the empty bottle as she fell shattering it to pieces beside her. I covered my mouth with the unexpected turn of events. She didn't say a word. She just sobbed there. I look at her one more time with looks of sadness, hatred, regret, pain, disgust and as much as I don't want to admit, love. I shook my head and walked out, at least this time it was my turn to do such. It broke my heart to leave her like that. A fragile and crying Ashley was on the ground not saying a word._

* * *

><p>"Hey we're here" Drew spoke for the first time since we went home. After leaving Ashley behind I called Drew in tears and told him I wanted to go home. I almost wasn't able to let a word out on the phone. He came not long after to my rescue and drove me home without asking anything.<p>

"Thank you" That was all I said before unbuckling my seat belt and hugging him. I hold on to him like he was my life support. He unbuckled his seat belt so he could hold me tighter. I cried over and over again onto him.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay baby" he tried to console me.

I woke up with the sun rays peaking through my bedroom curtain. I was still on the dress I wore last night. My head pounded as I tried to recall the events of yesterday. I saw Drew sleeping soundlessly on the couch placed by the window just like how Emily's was. Then I remembered my argument with Ashley. I found out the truth but I wasn't exactly happy of it. I expected for it to give me closure but it didn't.

When I was still with Ashley I would admit I did decline some offers or at least what I was asked to do. Ashley was always jealous. It was always 'Shay why is that too short', 'Why was he holding on to your hand for too long', 'He stares too much', 'Why weren't you picking up' or 'Why are you home so late'. I stuck up for her against all the imperfections of our relationship. Despite her jealous nature she always made me feel that she loved me. She promised me forever but she ended it years short. She had let me go when she shouldn't have at all and now it's too late. I watched the rise and fall of Drew's chest. I looked at him then the picture frame on my nightstand where Ashley and I's picture used to be. I looked back at Drew. I sighed. Yeah it's too late.

* * *

><p><strong>Happy Thanksgiving! Review?<strong>


	7. Friendzoned

-Shay's POV-

_I've been a fool all this time. All I wanted was to be the best, to give you the best with all that I could. I tried so hard that I didn't see that all you needed was me. I know I've made my mistakes. I know I couldn't take it all back. As much as it hurts I know it's too late now. My apologies wouldn't take away the pain. It won't rewind to those times I made you cry. What would my apologies do now if it's already over?_

_I won't beg you to come back. I'm happy that you're happy, that someone like Drew is making you happy. I really am. But I am asking you one thing Shay; I'm asking you to be my friend again. Someone I could call at the end of a long day and exchange conversations with. Someone I could tell all the silly stories and thoughts and random stuff that pops on my mind. I just want my best friend back._

_You're the buttah to my benzo and I love you more than smiles and you used to love me more than rainbows. I still love you more than glitter fairies and mentos and I hope you still love me more than gumdrops. Seriously Shannon I don't want to waste the years we've spent together just because I messed up our relationship. You were my best friend before that and it might be all sorts of weird and awkward but I still want you as a friend. If you're going to take me back, call me._

_-Ashley_

_P.S. I would understand and respect whatever your decision is but I'll be waiting._

It had been 3 months since I left L.A. and all its drama. I've gone back and forth but never had I ever had a chance to have a word with Ashley since PLL's series finale party. We didn't bother to contact each other or at least make a move to reach out. I wasn't mad anymore. I just didn't have the guts. 10 months after we broke up and I still don't have the guts, not when alcohol's involved just like at the party. So it was a surprise to receive that letter from her yesterday. I haven't got the chance to read it until now and I haven't stopped reading it since. I read it over and over again yet I couldn't figure out what to do.

"Attention passengers of flight 1600 from London, we have just landed at Los Angeles International Airport. You may leave the plane shortly. Thank you" My attention was called by the announcement. I stuffed the letter to my carryon bag and patiently waited to exit the aircraft. I was coming home mainly to surprise Drew on Valentine's day and meet up with the rest of the PLL cast and crew for the pre-production of the most awaited PLL movie but I guess I could also use up this opportunity for something else.

* * *

><p>-Ashley's POV-<p>

Few days ago I sent a letter to Shay. I don't know what came to me; it just felt like the right thing to do. Two days from now we would be meeting up for the pre-production of the PLL movie. I don't know if she's coming but hopefully I'd come face to face with her after 3 months. What if she wouldn't take me back? What if she doesn't want to be friends again? What if-I have too many what ifs. _Ugh! Ashley why are you so impulsive? Why didn't you think it through?_

"Ashley! Hey! Ashley!" Jamie Schneider, a good friend of ours and my stylist called out my attention. "You okay? Your yogurts been sitting there for about 15 minutes"

"I sent Shay a letter" I spoke out of nowhere. I saw her almost choking on her yogurt.

"What? When? Ashley! Are you sure with what you did? Did she write you back? Woah I didn't know you're into snail mails" She fired up 20 questions with me

"Slow it down honey. I sent it few days back and no she haven't said anything yet. What if she doesn't say anything at all? What if she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore? What…" I stopped myself from saying my what ifs again. "If my calculations were right the Global Express Guaranteed service takes 1-3 business days and it's been…yeah she could've read it by now and she should've called because I said-"

"Ashley you're talking more to yourself than me you know that right? Why are you expecting her to call you?" I tried to calm myself first before talking again

"In my letter I told her that if she wants to take me back, as a friend of course, she just call me. And I trust that she will…maybe" I said with a shrug.

"That's quite a long shot Ash. Kudos to you" Jamie said laughing while taking a spoonful.

"Shut up Jaime. Just shut up. She'll call. I bet my life on it" I laughed along but I sure am serious when I said she'll call. I mean come on I'm her benzo…well oh that was before I broke her heart. I kept glancing at my phone from time to time. My hopes were really up.

* * *

><p>-Shay's POV-<p>

"Shannon Ashley Mitchell!" Michaela came running to me and wrapped me in a bone crushing hug once she saw me. I asked her to pick me up at the airport. No one knows I'm coming home except for her and Marlene.

"Oh God I missed you too. Let's get me home shall we?" I hugged her just as tight and we both headed to our place. It was a little after lunch when I arrived but we still had a late lunch when we arrived home and not to mention a welcoming playtime by our dogs. _Home sweet home._

Later that day or rather night I dropped by to see my first reason of coming home, Drew. I intentionally started an argument with him yesterday so I could surprise him today and it was worth it I guess since I made him so happy when he opened his door and saw me. He ordered take outs for us both and we sat right afterwards on his couch cuddled up.

"Happy Valentine's day Mr. Delatour" I was so fond of calling him by his character's name.

"Your greeting's a day early but I wouldn't exactly complain" He moved my hair to one side of my neck and started placing kisses on my shoulder slowly going to my neck. I tilted my head to give him more access.

"Well from where I'm just from its Valentine's day there already so you wouldn't mind receiving your gift early would you?" He started kissing me right below my earlobe and in my jaw line. I closed my eyes to enjoy the moment but as sinful as it is I could imagine Ashley doing the same thing to me.

"Sure won't" his lips touched mine and slowly he kissed me. This won't be the first time of us making love but it sure is the first time that I've thought of someone else and of all people that I would be thinking about at this crucial moment, it's Ashley. I gently pushed him away. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked me with pure concern.

"No" I cupped his cheeks and shifted my body so I'm facing him fully. His green eyes were a few shades darker but it was like always full of love. There's this man staring at me right now who always exerted effort on me; stayed up late just so we could talk completely disregarding the difference of our time zones. The man who visited me twice by surprise in London because he missed me. The person who volunteered to meet my family on Christmas. He had down so much for me in the short span of time that we're together yet here I am thinking of someone else as he kisses me. "I just miss you that's all" I closed my eyes and leaned in fighting back my stirred up mind. _You've moved on Shay. You've had 3 good months without her and that single letter wouldn't change that._

* * *

><p>-Ashley's POV-<p>

The day that I was so anxious about had finally come, the pre-production meeting. I was thinking maybe she wouldn't be coming. No one knows if she's coming or not. I didn't want to ask Marlene though I know she knows whose coming and who isn't. I nervously entered the conference room and I was unsurprisingly not early. I swear my heart stopped beating for a second when I saw who Lucy was hugging.

"Ashley!" Lucy squealed and pulled away from her and ran to me. My eyes were kept still on the back of her. She came. But why didn't she call? I was going to approach her but then Marlene arrived so Lucy and I sat on our assigned seats. I was at the end of the table with Lucy on my left and she was on the other end with Troian on her right and Sasha on the middle of our table. Normally we were by each other's sides now it's different. A lot are.

Marlene explained to us the concept of the movie, the storyboard, mostly all the things done on a pre-production meeting. She then told us that once the schedules of filming were set we would be informed as soon as possible and that we would start the production. Over our lunch break I overheard Keegan and Drew talking. I found out that she arrived two days ago and even surprised Drew. In return he surprised her with a romantic lunch at a private beach yesterday. Yesterday was Valentine's day and I was just home waiting for my phone to ring but then the person I'm waiting to call seem to find no interest at all to call me. _Real nice._

When the meeting was adjourned everyone didn't leave the room and catch up on each other's lives. We all did miss working with one another. The afternoon was full of stories and jokes and laughter. One by one the cast and crew bid goodbye. I was one of the few who left last.

"Do you mind giving me a lift?" I was scared as hell when someone said that to me from behind. I turned around and saw Shay standing with her hands on the pocket of her coat. One gesture of her when she was nervous.

"Uhh-yeah I guess. Sure. Come on" She gave me a small smile and went inside on the passenger side of my car.

"I thought you and uhh Drew left already. So where to?" I tried to avoid looking at her. She was all sort of confusing. She was fuming when she left me at the party. We didn't talk for 3 months. She didn't call me after receiving the letter and now here she is asking me for a lift. _Wait. What if she didn't get the letter yet? There goes your questions again Ashley._

"I told him to leave ahead of me…so we could uhm talk?" She trailed off. I didn't start my car. I just sat there with her silently.

"The last time we talked to each other didn't really go well you know" I didn't want to start tensions. I just didn't know how to converse with her.

"I know." She sighed. "I should have called" I looked at her hesitantly

"So you received my letter" she nodded "Why didn't you?" I said in almost a whisper. Here it goes now. She's going to tell me she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. She's going to cut ties with me permanently.

"I didn't know what to do. I mean the last time we saw each other it was awful, we didn't talk for a while and I receive that letter from you all of sudden. And also I only had the chance to read it on my way here" My hand gripped the steering wheel hard. We weren't moving. We were still on the parking lot but the car seems to be moving on a fast pace and I am about to throw up. "I didn't call because….because I didn't know what to say."

"I get it Shannon. I hurt you. I messed us up. You didn't have the words to tell me you're cutting ties with me" I say dejectedly. Tears were falling on my face no matter how hard I tried to stop them.

"Ashley no. Our friendship means a lot to me. You were my best friend before we got together and you still are. It's just that it's all very confusing now. We both got hurt and we both shed so much tears. I really want to take you back Ashley" She slowly said her piece

"but?" The worst part is now about to come

"but if I take you back we have to start all over again from square 1. I want us to leave behind all the hurt and pain we had. I'm not saying we forget because we never forget the pain. What I'm saying is that we're not going to fix our friendship or something. We're totally renovating it. Do you understand what I mean?" Man that was not what I expected. I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding. I was so relieved and happy that she didn't want to totally end things

"I do." I smiled and nodded. She wiped away the loose tears. "So uhm let me introduce myself to you again. Hey! I'm Ashley Benson" I stuck out my hand to her

"Shay Mitchell. Nice meeting you" She took my hand on hers and smiled from ear to ear. It was the first time in a long time that I saw her smile that way and the reason behind it was me.

"Shay? Is that a short for something?" I decided to play around a bit

"It's a short for Shannon Ashley" she humored me

"Pretty name for a pretty girl" she playfully slapped my arm

"Oh are you hitting on me already?" We both laughed at our silliness

"So what do you say Shannon, friends?" she smiled sweetly and nodded

"Friends" I smiled back contently and started the ignition. At least we've sorted things out now. _Friends._


	8. It's all platonic

-Shay's POV-

I went back to London after my brief visit to L.A. to finish everything for the bond movie and just a week after we wrapped up. Just as it always was on every wrap up, it was bittersweet, but nevertheless the wrap up party is a blast, much more the after party. Drew was supposed to be my plus one but he couldn't make it because he had to film in Atlanta so Michaela flew in instead. I was disappointed of course but I know our jobs had to come first.

"Hey Shay look who's here!" Michaela said with a loud voice so I could hear her from the blasting music on the club

"Who's that?" I wasn't drunk, well a bit I guess, my vision was starting to become a blur. My best friend dragged me to the bar where the person she seems to be pointing out was.

"Hey girly girl" Michaela greeted the girl. I narrowed my eyes so I could see the face. It was harder to see near because I was far sighted plus the alcohol running on my system.

"Is she buzzed?" The girl spoke and laughed. Her laughter was what I recognized. It was Ashley. What was she doing here?

"Oh sh-my bad. Ashley. Hey" I tried my best not to sound so drunk

"Have you forgotten about me Shay?" The person Ashley's with spoke in a perfect English accent that I could unmistakably recognize as Julian.

"Julian! Sorry. I'm so sorry." I went to hug him and he gave me a kiss on the cheek in return. "This is my friend Michaela"

"I met him before Shay. Sorry she's just not functioning perfectly right now" The 3 of them laughed at me and I could just shrug at them

After a short talk we all went back to our designated groups. It crossed my mind as to why Ashley was with Julian when she's supposed to be here in London for an event. Oh well I'm not in the place to care, so, whatever party harder.

* * *

><p>-Ashley's POV-<p>

London was so big but not for me and Shay. There were other clubs out there but we coincidentally met here. I wanted to say it was by serendipity but whatever. We both moved on and are friends now so I shouldn't be thinking like that. Julian and I went to the dance floor and danced our asses out. It was my last night here and it was mere luck that he was in London too so we arranged to meet with some friends and then we ended up here.

"Hey I'll get something to drink do you need anything?" I asked him but he politely declined telling me he was fine.

"1 stirred Vodka Martini with an olive and a twist please" The DJ's mixes were so sick. I love it. It pumped up the crowd even more.

"Vodka martini stirred with olive and twist. It's on the house" the bartender said with a wink. I just laughed at him. I took a sip and looked around. My eyes caught Michaela trailing behind Shay heading to the rest room. I couldn't stop myself from laughing. _Poor Michaela having to deal with a drunken Shay._

I went back to our area and sat down with my sight randomly glancing at the restroom. I took a selfie and posted it on instagram. I glanced at the restroom again. Knowing that I would still be bothered about Shay's condition, I decided to go see her myself. I peeked at the door and saw Michaela by the door of one stall.

"Hey! How can I be of help?" I hesitantly approached them. When I got near I had a clear view of Shay emptying the contents of her stomach and Michaela was holding her hair back.

"Could you grab more tissue Ash?" I went to the tissue dispenser to get what Michaela asked for.

"Oh God, never again" Shay said wiping her mouth and walking to the sink to wash it with water.

"Do you have a ride?" I asked the two girls.

"We have a rental" Michaela was the one who answered me. I thought hard of what I should do and in my head I thought that I am her friend, wait that doesn't' sound right, I am her best friend, better now I should help her to at least get settled in wherever she's staying at.

"I'll help you take Shay there" Michaela smiled gratefully and soon we both helped the drunk and not so light weighted Shay towards the rental car. Their driver was there waiting, thank goodness.

* * *

><p>"Where's my phone?" Shay stumbled around her room looking for her phone which was with me. It had a pink case which was so Shay. I took away her phone because friends don't let friends dial drunk. "I need to find my phone. I need to call Drew. He should know how much fun I had" I sighed<p>

"Let's get you to bed Miss not so sober. Come on" I guided her to bed which was harder than I remember. I had to drag her which was not an easy job. I already forgot how stubborn Shay was when drunk. I regrettably told Michaela that I got Shay so she could rest already. She was just on the room across but I'm sure by now she was already dozed off.

When I successfully had her lying in bed I took off her shoes and searched her makeup remover pad. I know Shay wouldn't appreciate it when if I didn't remove her makeup. I then got a wet face towel to give her a quick sponge bath. She kept on moving which made the task hard but then the next task was harder, dressing her up. I paced around the room biting my fingernails. _Just make it quick and try to avoid looking. Go._ I challengingly unzipped her dress and took it off. _She got even sexier._ _Stop it Ashley._ I tossed her dress on the side and then I remembered that I forgot to get her sleeping clothes before I undressed her. I went to the closet and pulled up a boy shorts and a baggy shirt. As I approached her again I had a full view of her in just her underwear. Maybe out of old habit I bit my lower lip and took in the sight before me. I had to shut my eyes tight and breathe deeply so I could compose myself again. We're just friends now and I don't want to cause something that would make it all awkward again. As if my own body had a mind on its own, I found myself a foot away from now a sleeping Shay. Before I could do anything I would or would not regret I quickly dressed her up.

"Good night Shannon" usually I would have kissed her forehead but for safety measures I just walked away.

"Stay" she murmured. I stopped my tracks. "Stay" she said again. I tried to fight it off. I did but I didn't see the harm of staying. I walked back to her other side and sat on the bed on top of the covers. My back was resting on the headboard while my legs were stretched on the rest of the bed.

"Sleep tight" I run my fingers through her hair and lightly scratch it. It was one of the best methods when putting Shay to sleep.

"Babe" I stiffened when she called me that word "You know I saw her today at club. She was with Julian and I don't know with some friends. I wish you were here with me baby. Why did you have to film today?" she was slurring as she was talking. I realized when she called me baby that I'm not the one. She was referring to Drew. She thought I was Drew. "I miss you babe" I just smiled at her but in my mind I was thinking that if we didn't broke up I could've been the one with her. She might not be this drunk or it was two who could've gotten drunk. She wouldn't have to say she misses me. Or maybe if I was filming somewhere too would she have missed me? I realized the things I missed the chance to do but then right now, all that's happening, me taking care of her, these are the things that I still could do.

I stayed until the morning but before Shay wakes up. I didn't sleep. I just watched her sleep. I didn't leave her a note or anything. I just left. I went back to my hotel, packed up my things and got ready to leave for L.A.

* * *

><p><strong>...2 weeks later…<strong>

We're now on our first day of filming for the PLL movie. I was at crafty with Lucy when Drew came. Hey took some food and drinks with him and left. I assume it was for him and Shay. I went back eating but then I noticed him walking back

"Hey Ash. Shay told me that Michaela told her that you took care of her when had too much to drink in London. Thank you" He said sweetly. Drew never had grudges or insecurities with me. I never felt any tension with him.

"She's my best friend it was no biggy" he smiled and walked away again.

"You partied with Shay in London?" I rolled my eyes when Lucy gave in to her curiosity.

"No. I mean kinda. I was with Julian and other friends and we saw them, well they saw us, I went to the bar to get some drink I saw her running towards the restroom with Michaela and I went to check on them and then I helped her get settled in her room and…that's it" I tried to hide the fact that I stayed over. It was an unnecessary detail to tell

"You hesitated. What else happened Ash?" If Lucy wasn't my friend I would have just ignored her questions

"She asked me to stay…and I did" Lucy gave me a straight face and a brow raise which was equivalent to 'seriously?' "What? She asked. She was my friend I couldn't turn her down…and did I say she was my friend"

"Ashley, you're making it hard for yourself" Lucy's tone had sympathy and I didn't like being sympathized at. It was almost the same as getting pitied.

"Trust me on this Luce. She's happy. I'm happy. We both have moved on. It's all platonic now" Lucy dropped off the topic even though I wasn't that convincing. There's this saying that says you can never be just friends with the person you loved, well I'm gonna prove who said that wrong.

* * *

><p><strong>Shoutout to Ianhalex! :) <strong>


	9. Not platonic at all

-Ashley's POV-

_Does the sun promise to shine?_

_No, but it will,_

_Even behind the darkest clouds it will._

_And no promise will make it shine longer or brighter,_

_For that is its fate,_

_To burn until it can burn no more._

_So, to love you is not my promise,_

_It is my fate,_

_To burn until I can burn no more._

_-Atticus_

I read the words inside the framed paper displayed on my room in the cabin. _Why did I even agree to this? Oh right I am trying to prove that I can be just friends with Shay._ I heard a knock on my door and soon Shay poked her head in.

"Get inside buttface!" She opened the door wide open and stood there with her hands on her hips.

"So what do you say? Do you like it?" She spun around making her floral patterned dress twirl and so does her silky smooth hair. I smiled at how beautiful she looked.

"You look beautiful. I like it" I said it in a manner I used to say to her before; slow, calm, and serious. I looked at her from head to toe pausing for a moment at her face.

"Good because I got you one too" The smile on my face disappeared and shock took its place. _Shannon and her surprises. _She dragged me by my wrist towards her room across mine. On her bed laid the dress almost the same as hers.

"Shay what-"

"Come on try it on!" Shay said in tone full of excitement that we would wear matching dresses. I didn't mind wearing a dress but I planned of wearing something like less floral-ish. Despite my inside protests I took the dress from the bed and brought it with me back to my room but before I could do so Shay called me out "You can change here. Drew's downstairs anyway"

"Okay can you just close the door then?" She obediently closed the door and I started taking of my clothes to change to the dress she had for me. My back was facing her but I could feel her staring at me. This was rather hard than awkward. I suddenly became insecure of myself even though I have been in lesser clothing in front of Shay before. I purposely dressed up slowly in order to see if Shay would watch me until I'm done. I didn't hear her move. I turned around quickly once I finished and I caught Shay's eyes fixated on a rather lower part of my body. She let out an awkward cough that made me smirk in return.

"You look good Ash" She complimented.

"Thanks" I replied. We were like teenagers crushing on each other. Funny thing is that we didn't actually have this stage before. We went straight to the comfortable stage. We didn't blush on each other's compliment. There was the 'crush' stage but it was different from this. New things aren't that bad right?

"Shay-Oh hey Ash" Drew came in through the door breaking our moment apart.

"Hey" Shay and I said in unison. They rented a cabin for the weekend and invited me to join in. I was hesitant at first but then I agreed to be the third wheel. Years ago Shay used to be mine and Ryan's third wheel and it was all fun every time until Shay and I started to feel something else. _Uh oh! What if….It's not possible Ash._

"I Just got a call from my producer. I'm really really sorry I have to go to see him today." He said putting his hand together.

"But we planned this long before" Shay complained. I know things like this make her disappointed especially when she has it planned ahead.

"I know baby but this is really important. You and Ashley can stay here and enjoy the rest of the weekend" My eyes widen in surprise for the second time this day. _What's with this couple and their surprises? _"Ash will you be okay with that?"

"Huh? Uh-Yeah sure if Shay still wants to stay" Shay was already pouting but she nodded yes.

"I promise I'll make it up to you." Drew cupped both of her cheeks and kissed her forehead. In my mind I was thinking that he should've kissed her pout away. Shay likes it better that way. Then I realized he isn't me and maybe the things Shay liked changed. Oh well.

Drew's packed his belongings to his car and soon Shay and I both bid him goodbye. I gave them time alone and so I walked back inside the cabin. I opened the cupboard to see what food they brought with us. There were sausages, ingredients for the good old 7 layer dip, bags of nachos, kebab ingredients and most importantly chocolates bars, mallows and graham crackers. Smores! I smiled wildly.

"Looks like you found the good stuff didn't you? There's a picnic basket under the counter in case you didn't see" Shay waltz towards me with a smile on her face. Her eyes gave away the disappointment in her deep inside.

"I did except for the basket." The cabin was filled with silence for a moment until I spoke again. "You okay buttah?"

"I'm fine Benzo" I raised my eyebrow clearly aware that she wasn't fine. "Really I am. Just a bit disappointed at him but I'm fine. Why won't I be? I get to spend the weekend with my best friend in this nice place" I recognized the honesty in her answer. This place was indeed beautiful. It was by the mountains and there was so much we could do. The serenity in this place was incomparable.

"So what do you want to do first?" She put her pointer finger under her chin and tilted her head to one side.

"How about we have a picnic under the forest canopy then we'll go canoeing before we come back here and prepare for dinner?" Looks like we already had a plan for the day. Shay was quite the planner between us two and as what I've always done before I agreed to her plans.

"Sounds like a good plan. Let's go?" she nodded. I took the picnic basket with me and soon we left.

* * *

><p>"Ashley it's cold!" Shay whined as I splashed water on her. We're taking a quick dip on one of the hidden cove. Our picnic before this could've been romantic if we were a couple. I almost did imagine us like it but then I had to remind myself we aren't.<p>

"It's a lagoon Shay the water's supposed to be cold. Stop-" before I could continue a splash of water went smacking in to my face and soon Shay burst in laughter.

"Stop what Ash?" She tilted her head to one side and smirked devilishly

"You'll pay for that Mitchell!" I warned her with my laughter threatening to burst out

"Oh really?" She teased back and soon we splashed each other with water. We were playing around with the water like kids. Shay tilts her head back in laughter. Little does she know I mentally recorded a video of her laughters. We were just like that for about 30 minutes before we went out of the water. The guide was patiently waiting for us on the dry land.

"Do you want to go now?" He politely asked us. I suddenly remembered the talk we had just a while ago when we were still on our way here.

"Yeah I think we'd go back to our cabin now" I say deciding for both me and Shay

"Already?" Shay protested but I just gave her the look I always give her when we were still together hoping that she would still concede with my choice. "Fine" I smiled victoriously.

When we got back to our cabin I told Shay to shower and change quickly and I will do the same after which we would be going out again. She didn't ask questions and followed what I said. Half an hour later we met up with the guide again and I asked him to take us to the sky chair.

"This will give us a nice aerial view of the place." I tried to explain to Shay. She looked like she was amazed and excited for it

"Nice call Ash!" She hurriedly grabbed my hand making my breath hitch. Hopefully she didn't notice. We lined up for our turn and Shay hasn't let go of my hand. Our fingers weren't intertwined but the mere fact that we were holding hands sent unnecessary butterflies to my stomach. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. Our turn had finally come. We sat side by side on the sky chair. It was the same as the one Lucy and Ian were using when they had that scene of Aria and Ezra. The only time Shay let go of my hand was when she linked our arms together. I don't know if she knows what effect she's bringing on to me.

"It's beautiful" She says as she rests her head on my shoulder.

"It is" I say back but only I wasn't looking at the view but on her. I rested my head on top of hers and we both enjoyed the ride. It was already late afternoon and the view was perfect what made it more perfect is how comfortable we were together.

We were on our way back to our cabin when Shay told me she wanted to go to the boardwalk and I agreed. We watched as the sun was on the midst of setting. We didn't hold hands. We just stood there side by side taking the scenery in. The quote flashed back in my memory. The sun burns until it can burn no more. Out of the blue Shay slowly grabbed me to her and pressed our bodies together in a warm embrace. I closed my eyes and hugged her back.

"Does the sun promise to shine? No, but it will, Even behind the darkest clouds it will. And no promise will make it shine longer or brighter, for that is its fate, to burn until it can burn no more" She said the words slowly and I listened to her not missing a single word.

"So, to love you is not my promise, It is my fate, to burn until I can burn no more. - Atticus" I filled in. We didn't part. We stayed on each other's arms as the sun set. This meant so much to me but I don't know what this could change between us. "You remember"

"I never forgot" she replied. "I told you that. I will never forget" it was a fact. She once told me that before when we were out on a romantic surprise date she prepared. I hugged her even tighter before pulling away with a sigh.

"Dinner? I'm starved" I waved away the rush of emotions the moment had. I had to change the topic. I had to stop what was bound to happen next.

She shook her head before saying 'sure'. And so we went back to our cabin and started preparing dinner. I put the sausages and kebab ingredients on the skewers while she made the 7 layer dip and placed the ingredients of the smores on one tray. I started grilling the sausages and kebab and she started the bon fire. This was gonna be a good night with good food and some wine.

"Shannon that's like your 5th smore" I laughed as she placed another mallow by the fire.

"So? I'll just do extra time on the treadmill" I loved this side of Shay. She never deprived herself of good food. She enjoys eating a lot but then works harder the next time. She had chocolate smear on her face and it looked funny.

"What are you laughing at?" She asked with furrowed brows

"You have something on your face" I tried showing her where by touching the end of my own lip but then she kept wiping away the wrong part of her face. "Here let me" I reach out to her face wiping it clean and I felt my thumb lightly brushing the end of her lip. She smiled after thankfully while I whispered 'sorry'. She bit her lower lip and ducked down. I was about to say something when I noticed her mallow almost burnt. "You're burning your mallow"

"Oh! Jeez" she quickly removed it away and started making the smore

"Thank you for taking me with you Shay" She turned her head to me and smiled sweetly

"Thank you for making this vacation worthwhile Ash" She thanked me back. "The last time we went on a vacation things went downhill after that. I hope this time it won't"

A lot of things rushed to my mind. The last vacation we had was in New York when I surprised her. It was actually her birthday week when we had that vacation. To think it's almost a year to the day now. How could a year go by so fast?

"It won't" I simply said. I refilled our glasses with bubbly and took a sip of it. We enjoyed the comfortable silence between us and the stars above us. When a shooting star passed Shay squealed funnily.

"Let's make a wish" she said a little too excited. "Close your eyes and make a wish" I rolled my eyes and made a wish. My hopes weren't really up that would come true but what's a wish for right? When I opened my eyes to look at Shay she was already looking at me. We were seated on a different wooden outdoor chair but we were just inches apart. The suddenly slowed down. It seems like time had froze. She was staring at me and I was doing the same. My blue ones were focused on her brown eyes and there was nothing else that I could see. Her eyes broke contact only to look back at forth from my eyes to my lips. I know what she had in mind and I guess it was just the same as mine. I closed my eyes again and this time when I opened it I leaned in to kiss Shay…on her forehead.

"Good night Shannon" I stood up from my seat and got the water we prepared to put out the bon fire. "I'll be calling it a day. See you in the morning" I said before going inside the cabin.

Whoever said that you can't be just friends with someone you loved was freaking right. It can never be platonic, never will…not at all.


End file.
